20160131
The last day of the first month of 2016
subscribed highbrow for five-minute-to-read emails for days
to ease my anxiety for hiding in beds knowing things waiting for me to do
not all of them are urgent
but
i don't know
i just need to complete them
i have no necessity to learn japanese
i have no necessity to take the needle
but i need them
instead, the essay which i have the deadline to complete, gives me no motivation to start
maybe it's just because that it is a task for me
i have promised myself that i finish the essay with full of my energy
but the fact laying here now, suggest that it won't be the case
i should have know this from the very begining
but i just always wait for disasters to happen
https://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/ is also good
but i have no tumlr account
at this time at home
i feel good
not much anxiety
though i don't know how long it would last
no-meaning life
no-meaning time
has its meaning
i'm always afraid of time to lapse without making my marker
even if i know nothing of me would really last that long
zenosyne: a sense that time past faster
i dont remember that clearly ,sense like this
just
keep living
you'll find a key to happiness
it just doesnt last much time
after all, find it most times in comparison
hope that some time in the future
i can just produce it easily from myself
compete with myself, conquer myself